The Naked Truth
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The ripple effects of the #MeToo movement include the rise of intimacy coordination: a structured approach to shaping intimate scenes. Beyond what you may have seen on High Maintenance’s new season, in which an intimacy coordinator navigates her own relationships off-set, the job is meant to help actors set boundaries for scenes depicting sex or physical engagement—whether it’s a brief touch or penetrative intercourse.
In Hulu’s adaptation of Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People, directed by Lenny Abrahamson and Hettie Macdonald, Daisy Edgar-Jones and Paul Mescal star as Marianne and Connell, two deeply introspective teenagers who experience first love in a “normally” problematic way. If you’ve watched the show or read the book, you’ll know that sex and power dynamics are intrinsic to the plot.
That’s where Normal People’s intimacy coordinator Ita O’Brien comes in. Like a stunt coordinator, she brings technique and skill to the movement via open communication and transparency. Her role is more comprehensive than simply determining the physical choreography of a scene; she helps actors understand their characters even in phases of script study; she works in tandem with the entire crew—directors, producers, wardrobe, assistants—through the entirety of the rehearsal process up until intimate content is shot on a closed set. The intimacy coordinator is helping to reshape—from rehearsal to audience—the infamously abusive relationship the industry has with sex.
Here, O’Brien—whose credits include Sex Education and Humans—talks the details of onscreen sex, the challenges of a simple kiss, and how a masturbation montage can change lives.
Vanity Fair: How did you get into intimacy work?
Ita O’Brien: I’ve been in the industry for 36 years. I started off as a musical-theater dancer, which I worked in for 10 years, and then I trained as an actor and worked as an actor for eight years, and then I worked as a movement teacher and director for 13 years…. I started teaching intimacy in April 2015, and gradually honed the work over the years. Then, [Harvey] Weinstein happened. With #MeToo and Time’s Up, and all the industry going, “we have to do better,” and then suddenly the codes of conduct are going, “We can no longer as an industry tolerate abusive predatory behavior.” Everything shifted on the dime, and everything that I was calling for then was welcomed—
“Welcomed.”
Well, there’s still a way to go…. There are hurdles when the implementation of the Intimacy On Set Guidelines [a set of best practices O’Brien drafted] are not wanted or understood. Hopefully, as the industry sees the intimate content of productions such as Normal People, they can realize the benefits.
How much do you block out or discuss in advance?
You’re having these conversations way before you get to set, [otherwise] it’s too late. I always say my work on-set is the tip of the iceberg. What keeps everybody safe is that preparation; it’s the meat of the work…. We agree on touch, we’re checking out the actor’s personal body: “What’s in play for you today? What’s not in play?” My focus is on why the scene is there, what it’s telling us about each of those characters. Then we send them to character. So this is Marianne and Connell, this isn’t Paul and Daisy.
I was always speaking to Lenny or Hettie to make sure I knew what they wanted from the scene. I’ll go and check in with Daisy and Paul, then I’ll go check in with wardrobe. I’ll also check in with the first assistant director, the person who’s going to help hold that closed set to make sure it’s kept in a respectful way. Then, when the actors and the director begin their rehearsal, I’m just present, I’m listening, I already have an awareness of what the scene should be.
Does that ever change?
This is where Lenny is just so brilliant. [He had] his vision and his view, but was really taking the best of what Paul and Daisy had to offer. Paul talks about the moment by the pool where Connell has his hand for the first time around Marianne. There were lines Paul could have said, but he felt if he actually [did], it would just be too obvious to Marianne’s character there was something really wrong. So he took those lines out, and he just did it internally with a look. And we just get it. We get that lack of communication, we’re dying.
Paul and Daisy could really interrogate the script. I was there to step in, once they created the shape of the scene, to then put in that process: agreement of touch, clear structure. I truly believe that when the work is put in place—when the actor’s personal body is taken care of—they know that they’re autonomous, they’re empowered, they’re listened to, their “no” is invited. This allows them to be free as the actor so that what you’re watching is the characters’ submission and the characters’ awkwardness.
How did you approach Normal People? Do you draw on sexual inspiration?
I’m always asking the director, “What’s your palette? What quality of intimate content are you going for?” And very often they’ll send me another film that has that sort of energy. [With Normal People] one of the main palettes—both of how to shoot the nakedness, the quality of the rawness, and the color palette—was Nan Goldin’s photography. And then music as well. Both Daisy and Paul talked about the soundtracks they had for both characters. Music always gives you the rhythm of that character. And I had read the book. My family is Irish Catholic, and I used to spend all of my summer as a kid on the farm in Northern Ireland so [I knew] the whole dynamic and energy well. That absolutely resounded with me. In that preparation we all had the book to refer to.
So what does day one look like?
So it’s really important [to emphasize] that [the intimacy coordinator] is a new role. I have a presentation that I do for the director, the producer, the actors. And I say, “It’s really important that I actually work with you in rehearsal periods so everyone understands the process.”
And they’re clothed?
Yes, rehearsal clothes. [When] we did the one where they were sat up in penetrative sex, I put cushions in place so that they were comfortable, so that there wasn’t genitalia touching. And again. And again. It’s just a dance routine. And they go, Oh, OK, it really is like a dance routine that I’ve done my whole life. By the time you’ve [got] the shape of it, you’ve done it so many times.
Are they kissing that first day?
Yeah, it’s in the choreography. There’s agreement and consent of touch. We’ll check it out and go, “Are you happy to kiss today? Are you happy to kiss today?” We’ll [start] with a peck so that they get that lip-to-lip contact. Someone said [to me once], “Do you teach people how long they’re going to kiss?” No, it’s how they kiss, which comes from what their kiss is about.
Kissing can’t be faked. Is that more complicated or challenging than simulating sex?
Absolutely. Simulated sex is looking at rhythm and how we can make the physicality look like intercourse, when there is no reality there whatsoever. However, when two actors are kissing on the lips, they actually have to kiss on the lips. Therefore, it is really important that the actors are full of their character’s intention, to give them the right impulses as to what this kiss means in this moment, and therefore how to kiss. Some actors find that it is in fact more challenging to have to kiss, than to have a simulated sex scene.
The first day where they practice fully nude, at that point they’re likely incredibly comfortable. Are there any precautions that go along with it?
So the guidelines are, in simulated sexual content, never—never—do their genitalia touch. So the least your actors will have [on] is a genitalia patch or pouch. You could have more layers on top of that: a flesh-colored G-string, dance belt, pants, shorts, a bandana or a camisole top. Any of those scenes where you saw them completely naked in one take, well, it just will have been for that [shot]. I always say start with the close-ups, because they have more clothes on and they’re more comfortable. So some of the scenes you might have them both with tracksuit bottoms on…. It’s always about only [feeling] that vulnerability of nudity when it’s absolutely needed to be filmed.
Once [the crew] decides on the lighting, the actors get into all their right patches and modesty clothing, come back, do another rehearsal with clothes on. Once everything’s camera ready—and this is a very crucial point—if there is nudity I’ll ask everybody to step out. I’ll be present with the wardrobe [person] and the two actors. It’s really, really important that they’re not experiencing that degree of nudity for the first time in front of the camera. Because of course that can really shock you. Because the feeling with a [tracksuit] and a T-shirt on—
—Is a lot different once you’re nude.
Exactly. Once they’re happy, [they] cover back up, crew [comes] in, and then you’re ready to go.
And after the scene wraps?
You want your actor to know that they’ve done a good day of work and are physically healthy. That’s the intention of intimacy workers. I so love it when [the actors are] proud, feeling whole and good. One actor said to me, “I feel clean.” You can go home sleeping well because you know that nothing has been compromised. You’re empowered, you’ve been able to speak about what’s okay and what’s not okay with you, so you can come back the next day again still free.
What’s the difference between coordinating, let’s say, that first sex scene between Marianne and Connell versus the quick short bit of Marianne and Jamie having sex where she’s bent over and it’s more aggressive?
The focus is on who these characters are, what their story is, what [the sex scene] is telling us story-wise. So in a way, the journey is exactly the same. What I am aware of is making sure in particular [with] scenes that have that [tense] dynamic, that it’s really about inviting both actors to let go of where [they’ve] been emotionally, physically, psychologically.
What do you do when you see that actors have real chemistry? I know Paul and Daisy have absolute chemistry, but what I’m getting at is if they have a sex—
If they’re really touching each other?
Yes.
People say the best-case scenario is that your actors get on with each other. It makes for a really lovely atmosphere on-set. But the best-case scenario is that you help everybody to be professional. If there [are] two people who really fancy each other, we see those are two people who aren’t these characters.
Absolutely. Did you have a scene that was your favorite to film? And, what were your biggest hurdles?
Oh goodness. First of all I’m really proud of the scene in episode two. To show our teenage children, this is a positive representation of how we can depict that first time lovemaking, doing it respectfully with protection, having it flowing, checking on each other with consent. Sort of acknowledging the possible discomfort of losing one’s virginity. This is all from us just serving the beats. That’s what the choreography allows you to do. I actually love, in that scene, when they’re first naked.
And they stand there facing each other.
I love the equality of two naked people first-time exposing each other. And then [Connell] reaching forward to pleasure [Marianne], and her reaching forward to pleasure him. I’m helping them to choreograph it really clearly, so they’ve got an energy in their body. The touch is completely agreed upon. Of course [the scene] is sold on the responses and the breath, it always is. So I love that moment. And then I really loved the intimate scene when they get back together in Trinity College.
Yes, with the robe.
Yes, yes yes yes!
It’s so delicate, so intentional. It’s ironic that your other show is a Netflix comedy called Sex Education, because when I first read Normal People, I thought, This is a book college students should have to read.
You know, when I first met the directors and producers of Sex Education we were saying that, while it was a piece of entertainment, hopefully it was going to be something really positive in the world. And likewise with Normal People. That the progression of their lives and their depiction of intimacy together can help to show what [intimacy] looks like.… People have said to me, “you know the masturbation montage [with Aimee Lou Wood] has changed my life.”
What do you hope viewers gain from watching these sex scenes?
I myself have just grown in my appreciation of the human form. Lovemaking is a pinnacle of human connection. What I hope is that there’ll be more intimate content that shows the beauty of our loving. I have the joy of actually being able to support creating more of those scenes, including Normal People. We’re able to show better intimate content that really honors [a] beautiful, natural, normal part of who we are as human beings. It should be in our art.